OP/ED: PoCo Police are...Hard for Justice

Nik Green
By Nik Green
August 9th, 2010

The challenge of finding a common thread between the various subjects and topics that bounce through my head becomes so great some weeks that I’m tempted to write mini columns or abandon the computer altogether. I admittedly haven’t found a feasible one this week so expect me to reach like your uninvited fat uncle does for gravy at your summer cook out for ample segues.

The past two weeks has seen my mind occupied by miscellaneous debris such as concerts, famous martial artists and the Port Coquitlam Police. When life gives you lemons, don’t let the Port Coquitlam Police see them.

A couple of these brilliant cops decided to take a break from all that “stopping gang warfare” nonsense, in order to shut down a youth run lemonade stand this week. I can now rest easy knowing that nefarious 12-year-old citrus drink peddlers Alex Pedersen and Mackenzie Burke Sikorra will have to find an alternate route to raise money for their soccer uniforms.


City councillors stated that the stand was “elaborate” and even included…an umbrella. So not only were these would be entrepreneurs motivated, but they also took the care to avoid exposure to the sun.

Perhaps the roles should be reversed and these kids should be policing the community while Officers Killjoy and Downer attempt to peddle beverages for their cause. These kids are the future and should be receiving business from the lawmen not flack.

While hanging around the Lower Mainland I met the “Lawman” himself last week as Steven Seagal came into a law enforcement supply store owned by a close friend. The king of direct to DVD, three-word titled, neck snap fests was a hero of mine in my youth and still garners my respect today, despite various horror stories that can be found online about his demeanor.

I spent 90 minutes with the Aikido master and found him to be exactly like his umm…characters, only a fair bit nicer. He was polite and more than willing to talk about common interests for 90 minutes as he amassed his purchases. The elation that relaxed his famous scowl upon realizing I knew what guns he carries was quite a sight.

“I feel naked without my guns,” said the Tulku (Wiki it).

“Welcome to Canada!” I told him.

With most actors you would see a marked difference between what you know them as on screen and their real persona. With Seagal you essentially get the same dude. He’s capable of whipping an entire room of ass and is actually a very articulate man who excels at just about everything he does.

I’d love to see one of these “recliner ninjas” often found perusing the lower racks at video stores while exclaiming Seagal is “done,” match up to Casey Ryback himself. “I could kick his butt now,” is a bold declaration that I’ve actually seen some men announce, as they decide which bag of chips is right for that evening’s viewing of Dog The Bounty Hunter…on DVD.

He may be an easy target for pseudo movie buffs, but he’s also one of the highest ranked Aikido masters on the planet, a very capable singer on top of being a world class guitar player who has toured with BB King.

While I respect his guitar prowess immensely he’s just a white belt when compared to the wizard I saw on Thursday night at the Commodore Ballroom. Reverend Horton Heat lit up the classic venue with an electric two hour set featuring their cult followed,  Punkabilly style much to the delight of my business partner and I.

Band Frontman Jim Heath is so adept with a guitar its scary. It”s not so much playing it, as it is making it sing on its own. A night doesn’t get much better than watching this band perform while chilling with a couple of drinks.

To avoid drama, we opted for Smirnoff Ice should there be any Coquitlam Police in the house who object to us consuming hard lemonade.

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